Written by walter revenue
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Topics: Food

Monday, 13 November 2006

image for Peanut Butter and Jelly - No More
Peanuts - A key ingredient in peanut butter

Boston MA - What has now become a precedent landmark case regarding the dangerous proprietary blend of two commercial products from two independent manufacturers - peanut butter and jelly, the multibillion-dollar suit feud between Skippy and Welches corporation continues unabated. In what was is now an even further bizarre twist to an already intriguing story is the stalemate decision regarding liability issued by a Supreme Court judge who has schizophrenia.

The "which came first chicken or egg" bitter battle was brought about in May of 2005, after scientists discovered the random but lethal combination of Skippy peanut butter and Welches grape jelly had produced a noxious innocuous by-product chemical, which has been recognized as a carcinogen resembling heterocyclic amines in structure. Both companies have been manufacturing and selling the products without warning since the 1930's and both are proclaiming their innocence in the matter with Skippy initially suing welches to shift liability superceding a counter suit by Welches.

Spokespersons from both companies could not be reached for interview, however a public correspondent for jiffy marshmallow fluff, Stillwell Entwistle stated "we knew this was coming, it was just a matter of time people when people found out about the dangers of combing peanut butter with particular fruit jams."

The jiffy marshmallow corporation was made aware of the problem back in the 1960's, and as such said marketing executive Telly Smith "we started a balls to the wall campaign to get the Amerian public to switch to peanut butter and fluff", in what was a somewhat unsuccessful attempt. Entwistle states the term known as "fluffanutter" was developed to promote a sandwich containing peanut butter and marshmallow fluff, which is edible and safe for human consumption.

To no avail, the Jiffy company then in a drastic decision integrated a subconscious message to the American public via a top rated movie ghost busters (Ivan Reitman Film released in 1984) which shows an unforgettable giant marshmallow man crashing through the streets of New York. Integrated in this footage were subliminal messages both visual and text which effectively boosted fluff sales, displacing grape jelly.

The heroic attempts by jiffy corporation were mared by the passing of time, and spared some but not all attempting to eat the PB and J sandwhich. With dollars and lives at stake, this is what appears to be a beginning of a very long drawn out and sticky legal battle.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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