Despite being fat, ugly, lazy, suffering from a flatulence problem, having bad fish breath as well as fleas, five year old cat Sebastian still gets laid more than his owner,who is a relatively good looking, slim and hard working young man with no foul breath problems nor problems with covering up his crap.
"It astounds me" says Sebastian's owner, 27 year old Martin Johnson from Dallas. "I mean, he is a slob, he does nothing, he sleeps all day, eats anything he can get his paws on, farts in his sleep, coughs up fur and half the time he walks around with his own shit attached to one of his legs; as he still hasn't grasped the concept of the litter box - yet he still gets laid every night! I mean this neighborhood is just full of feral kittens, sired by Sebastian. He can smell pussy "pussy" from a mile away. I don't get it."
Owners of other cats in the small Dallas neighborhood that is home to the feline Casanova confirm Martin's description of Sebastian.
"This cat basically pounced on my female cat, Cindy, about two months ago. Now she is pregnant. He has had nearly every female cat in the area. He certainly puts it about. I think the other cats, the male ones, don't really care, as they were all neutered. Not Sebastian, he kept his balls and boy has he made good use of them."
At the time of press Sebastian was sleeping, occasionally waking to stretch and yawn, confirming that he indeed does have "fishy" breath.
"It's the weekend coming up" said a dejected Johnson "I will probably go out, spend a lot of cash trying to get laid and come home and jerk off, meanwhile Sebastian will no doubt just saunter out at around midnight, pick up some random tabby cat, fuck her senseless and won't even get her name. It pisses me off."