Written by D P Whitehead
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Topics: Food, waste

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

image for Forgotten Yogurt Mourned
The Food Equivalent of a Defibrillator

An unopened yogurt quietly expired last night after spending several days lodged between a shriveled tomato and a jar of mayonnaise in a Florida mans refrigerator.

The yogurt, purchased in mid November, was survived by a can of diet coke and a block of cheese, bought on the same day.

A quiet funeral was held this morning, with the yogurt disposed of alongside a "dodgy" onion, some week old Chinese take out food and an empty water bottle.

The yogurt, strawberry flavored, had shown much promise, it was originally purchased with the intention of being eaten immediately, however after being hastily crammed into the refrigerator and subsequently shifted by additional purchases it became obscured from view, resulting it in becoming forgotten.

The tragic expiry of the yogurt now brings this year's fiscal toll of uneaten and wasted food in my kitchen to over $350, with the main victims being dairy food, fruit and half eaten bags of potato chips, that turned soft.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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