Written by Bureau
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Tuesday, 15 April 2014

image for Local Man Finishes College at 42-Years-Old

I'm certainly dad left it in his will that my college would be paid for along with an allowance so that I could concentrate of my getting better grades.

Then my mother passed away and left me the house and car.

So, for the last twenty plus years I've goofed around and even during that, I learned a lot.

"What are your goals now, Mr. Moleturd?"

"Oh, I'll eventually have to work I guess. But then who knows. The old house is worth quite a bit. Mom, bless her heart, kept it up and it would bring in quite a bit of money.

However, I'm thinking about writing a book on How to Stay in College and Draw Money as Long as You Can.

Get this: If there's a big tall guy who is in the class or even a fat lady will do. Get the seat behind them even if i means you slip the person already there a little cash.

I could sit back there and sneak Kentucky Bourbon, Wild Turkey, Jim Beam, Makers Mark and drink a whole bottle without being seen.

"I don't recall the teacher's names but they were nice. Don't even know if they saw me. I finally graduated. I need to check the diploma to see which one it was. Think it was 'Something State'!

Graduation! Saddest day of my life. Better get started on that book or selling this house. Tell me about a reverse mortgage.

Local News From The Mississippi Meadowlark. This is Sam Schmuck.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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