Washington DC - He's hopping mad at White House chefs for messing up the mayo in the staff canteen's breakfast snack served sunny side up on Michelle's orders.
A slimline, eco-friendly organic slime has replaced the traditional 100-calorie-a-pop House Mayonnaise as part of the First Lady's Fat-Off Campaign to trim some lardarses in the Waist - uh, West! - Wing.
Gone too are any traces of the actual egg itself, replaced with a 3-D printed vegetable matter simulated ovum composed of 99% plant material plus organic dyes.
Next the bread roll, a suspicious lightweight cylindrical object not entirely dissimilar looking - or tasting - to the sort of styrofoam globules used as ballast by the nuclear energy industry.
And as for the butter, a cursory glance reveals yet another slimy substance, a bit like glistening snail trail in the veggie patch.
But hey, guys, at less than 90 calories for the entire wholesome snack it's gotta be worth gobbling up if only for the feel smug factor.
The First Lady's Let's Move! campaign is a classic bowel opener.