Washington, D.C - In an effort to placate the steaming anger of those candidates who lost in last week's election, the White House decided to throw a party and award each member with the Congressional Medal of Freedom. Keeping with the theme of losers, Kevin Federline will perform in his first gig. He was overheard to remark, "Far out, man! Like that's starting at the top. Again. What's her face never worked the White House."
While the number of those defeated in both chambers of congress remains at double digits, the guest list fell short of having full party status. It was therefore decided to invite world political and entertainment losers of last year. Kirstie Alley, reputed to have lost seventy pounds, was invited. The eclectic guest list also includes Saddam Hussein. He will not receive the Medal of Freedom, nor will Ms. Alley.
Donald Rumsfeld, facing criminal charges against humanity in Germany for the abuse of detainees at Abu Ghraib, will be unable to attend, as he is presently relocating in Paraguay. Rumsfeld will, however, receive the Medal of Freedom - by mail.
Numbered among the losers of last year are Rick Santorum, George Allen, Conrad Burns, Duke Cunningham (who will be released from prison for the party) former lobbyist Jack Abramoff, Tom DeLay and Jennifer Anniston who single handedly qualified for three invitations: losing Brad Pitt and Vince Vaughn and a forgetful film.
Good friend of the White House, Tony Blair is teetering on an invitation. Maybe yes, maybe no. Almost a show. You never know. He might hang in there and remain at Number 10 until next year. Truly snickered that Bush replaced Donald Rumsfeld, announcing a new direction, suggesting the war in Iraq was headed in the wrong direction, further complicating his position in England.
And since his nuclear test turned out to resemble more of a burp than a blast, Kim Jung-il of North Korea will also receive an invite.
The party list was growing, but still fell short of a grand scale celebration until it was decided to invite the entire state of Tennessee for buying into a racist commercial to elect a senator, setting the state back fifty years.
Bring out the balloons. Main course? Chicken backs Lacaca.