Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 11 April 2014

image for Many Arkansas Residents Want The State To Outlaw Chewing Tobacco Spitting
Arkansas native Hubert Bubba Dabberdew says an anti-chewing tobacco spitting law will never happen.

LITTLE ROCK - The state of Arkansas has said that the spitting of chewing tobacco all over the place has got to stop.

A spokesman for the governor's office stated that it has gotten to the point where a woman can't even take her half dozen young'uns to the local Walmart without stepping smack dab in a puddle of that nasty, horrible, chewing tobacco spit from hell.

Dillie Sue Pumperfeister a 47-year-old mother of seven said that walking from her pickup truck to the store is like playing a game of hopscotch.

And there are many other women and non-tobacco chewing men who feel the same way.

One elderly man who refused to give his name said that the good old boys who chew tobacco ought to swallow the friggin stuff instead of spitting it out all over our beautiful state of Arkansas.

But as Dillie Sue's common law husband Hubert Bubba Dabberdew, 49, said, "Now me, I don't chew that damn tabacky crapola but I do enjoy my daily bottle of Jack Daniels."

He then pointed out that most men in Arkansas chew the stuff and spit it on the ground and trying to pass a law against it would be like trying to tell Kirstie Alley that she can't eat no more cookies, cake, or chocolate covered cherries.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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