Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 11 April 2014

image for A 93-Year-Old Cleveland Woman Arrested For Injuring A 102-Year-Old Man She Was Twerking
93-year-old Effie Shillspoon on her way to buy a six-pack of beer.

CLEVELAND - Law enforcement officers in Cleveland are calling a recent twerking incident one of the strangest on record.

Officer Radley Zippertino with the CPD said that he answered a call to The Setting Sun Senior Folks Home in the south side of the city.

When he got there he noticed an elderly gentleman lying on the front porch in tremendous pain.

Officer Zippertino was told by one of the other residents that the man's name was Talbot F. Dotdiffin and that the 102-year-old man had been injured by Effie Shillspoon, 93, while she was twerking him.

The resident said that old Talbot told (Effie) that he wanted no part of her fiddling with him but as everyone at the home knows, Effie never ever listens to anyone and she moves to the beat of her own drummer.

Effie admitted to Officer Zippertino that she has twerked half a dozen of the home's elderly gents and all six said that it brought back memories of when they were all young studs.

She then said that old Talbot is just an old fuddy duddy whose idea of a good time is putting his dentures in and out of his mouth while watching reruns of Cheers.

Officer Zippertino had to arrest Mrs. Shilllspoon. He drove her down to police headquarters where she was fingerprinted, photographed, and released after about 20 minutes of questioning.

SIDENOTE: A doctor at the clinic where Talbot was treated said that he just had a bit of bruising to his crotch region but he should be fine in about a month or so. He was however cautioned not to ride a bike or horse and to definitely stay the hell away from Effie Shillspoon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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