Written by joseph k winter
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 6 April 2014

image for McCutcheon decision generates Candidates 'R Us program with special discounts for purchasing blocks of representatives
Females in windows smile and beckon onlookers into the Candidates 'R Us display rooms

New Candidates 'R Us store fronts are springing up in Washington with window posters featuring smiling congressional candidates.

At times these window displays also feature goodlooking females in special uniforms designed with stars and stripes. They smile and beckon onlookers into the Candidates 'R Us display rooms.

A representative of this new Candidates 'R Us corporation explained that of course the big money purchasers don't usually window shop.

On the other hand this feature democratizes the concept of purchasing candidates for congress to push for the policies and programs we ordinary citizens want to see.

Ordinaries can wander Candidates 'R Us Street and think about which candidates they would like to buy.

All it takes is cash and your program for legislation in a Power Point bulletin.

Will an ordinary person's buck stand a chance against a millionaire's enterprises, such as Shaun McCutcheon, which led to the Supreme Court approving expanded spending on candidates as "free speech?"

The fact is any ordinary citizen can now spend as much as 3.5 million on the candidate of his or her choice for the House of Representatives or Senate.

Candidates 'R Us Corporation has also announced special discounts, as with purchasing a block of ten House of Representatives candidates at one time.

A hundred million could possibly lead to a sizable congressional group able to block and push legislation according to just what YOU want.

A billion and you just might be able to purchase The House of Representatives!

Needless to say, spokespersons for the Koch Brothers and Sheldon Adelson are very pleased with these opportunities, along with Mr. McCutcheon.

Could the entire Congress fall into the budget plans of just a very few individuals, whose interests may not coincide with large swathes of the American Public?

A spokesperson for Mr. McCutcheon indicates it's all about "competition." With no limits on donations to candidates this will mean more candidates, who can pick and choose according to the most lucrative deals.

After all, this representative concluded, this is the American Way. It's called freedom to do as one wants within a capitalist system.

Meanwhile, coming soon, outlets for Candidates 'R Us will open in all major American cities so that citizens do not have to travel all the way to Washington to bid on their representatives.

Make joseph k winter's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 plus 2?

1 19 16 3

Go to top