Washington DC (STT News) - The Obama Administration today claimed that billions of Americans had signed up for his namesake medical plan, Obamacare. When asked about the numbers, considering that the US has only about 313 million citizens, HHS Priestess Kathleen Sebelius said, "Executive Order #37419 states: Each human being who defies common sense and signs up, counts as 100 people."
At the Runtrouser Corner Clinic in Detroit, Michigan, a line of almost 10 people stood waiting most of the day until someone arrived to help process their applications. Javarious Duquintus Jackson, who had been waiting for hours and missed a cheese sandwich handout at the parking lot of a former auto manufacturer, had this to say, "Man, I been here since 9am! I gots a life too, ya know? I thought that our dude in Washington was sp'osed to bring this stuff to us! I ain't even seen a new food stamp in days!"
Elsewhere, in Cleveland, Ohio, a riot broke out as people waiting for free leftover flu shots at a local Mall*Wart had finally had enough. Officer Gregarious Hangmonger of the CPD commented, "They've been here since last night and have already mugged and robbed everyone within a mile. What more can you expect?"
A spokesperson for Sebelius closed by saying that she was still quite busy on Capitol Hill with her lawyers to find further, various ways of dodging all those questions from Congress.