Long, long, long playing records of Leon Redbone and Yanni Week has brought more results from the prisoners at Guantánamo than all the water boarding combined, say guards at the prisoner facilities.
"In Yoko Ono Week alone we found the headquarters of one of the leading members of al-Qaeda which was taken out with a drone", stated one guard. "We should have been using this all alone."
Why do the guards not flip out also?
"Ear plugs! The best in the world and if needed, an ear muffler or we can also listen in to our own favorite music if we like."
The people working and the prisoners there also say that they see Osama Bin Laden himself walking around the camp and through the walls of prisoners cells.
"Give up or you will be walking the earth forever like me!", he says.
"He is a hologram of some kind", stated a guard. "I know what it is and the thing still scares me."
Another guard, on condition of remaining anonymous, also told us that the one thing the prisoners cannot stand for long at all is the tickling of their feet with a feather.
"One even confessed to cheating on his wife!"
No wonder we have knocked off seventeen #2's and Osama himself.