Written by Stewart Resnick
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Tuesday, 1 April 2014

image for President says opting out of school tests will cost parents $$$

Washington, D.C. - In response to the growing number of parents nationwide who are opting their children out of state standardized tests, the U.S. Department of Education has issued a stern warning to them.

Today, on behalf of the White House, the Secretary of Education told a group of reporters that " Any parent who intentionally keeps their child from being tested at school faces a $500 fine per test, and their child could be held back or not be allowed to graduate."

When asked if this was enforceable, the Secretary explained that, "The President has assured me that the White House controls our nation's schools, not the states and definitely not a bunch of right-wing parents. The President will enforce this through an Executive Order."

The White House also released a statement by the President reiterating his support of higher standards in our schools as necessary to prepare all students for a career or college.

Whatever that means.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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