Hollywood, California - It was a lonely sight. A theater so naked, we were ashamed to look at it? No crowds of screaming fans, no left over popcorn crushed into the carpet. No ABC Bubble Gum (already been chewed) oozing from the underside of the theater seats.
The bathrooms were clean (just plain scary) free of plugged toilets and garbage cans filled with paper towels.
Where were we? Had we died and gone to theater heaven? Sadly, not. It was the premiere of the new Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise movie, "Top Dung" (maybe because they're both full of crap!)
"I've never seen anything like it. No show at the picture show," theater owners explained to reporters. "We can't pay people to watch a movie with these guys in it. What were moviemakers thinking when they decided to put these two in a movie? One is bad enough, but two? Next week we might have to offer a free stapler or something with every movie ticket sold to get some butts in the seats."