President Barack Obama announced this morning that he had nationalized the North Carolina Fart Farms, an alternate energy resource founded this past year by the Reverend T. J. McCorkle. "It is an ill wind that blows no good," stated Rev. McCorkle upon founding the mew endeavor which has since grown to be a powerful energy force in the state.
Obama said the following in his brief appearance in the Rose Garden: "The world cannot sit idly by as Russia swallows up an entire country in its desire to once more form an iron curtain around the region. This is our final warning to Putin before unleashing what could be the worst conflict in the history of mankind. I have nationalized a weapon so powerful that Russian can no longer afford to bring a virtual dictatorship to a small and weak neighbor. I am prepared to unleash an all out Fart fuselage against the Kremlin in a Fart & Awe attack never before experienced by mankind!" He paused, looked directly into the cameras and said softly, "And that's all I have to say about that."
As a fearful world waited for reaction from Putin and the Soviet government, Putin finally appeared before the news media in his private quarters. He was grim-faced and sullen but spoke defiantly although reporters noticed his hands were shaking. Suddenly, he twirled around three times in a circle, pointed his index finger towards the West and let one loose that blew out the entire electrical grid in Moscow. "Bring it on," he said dramatically, "he who farts last," he paused before rasping in what some are calling a déjà vu moment, "and I'll get your little dog Toto too!"