Written by Bureau
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Monday, 24 March 2014

image for Judge Rules Halfwits Cannot Be Banned From Using Library
"What's tha matter wid You?"

Judge Jamie Dean of West Virginia has handed down the ruling that halfwits cannot be prevented from using the county library.

"That would be interfering with his rights as a citizen of the United States."

"We're alright with most of the kids, but two two of the bigger kids have really hurt our regular patrons with the loud blowing farts on their arms and constantly saying: "Whats tha matter wid You?"

There they seem to take pleasure in shitting on the floor where a person exits and we are afraid we are going to get sued by someone who really hurts themselves, according to Betty Smith, Chief Librarian.

"Then someone thought it would be funny if he taught one of the halfwits how to bring up naked women on the computer. We changed that and blocked it out but now it's perverted cartoons of the Simpsons."

"So we tag along by shifts while they are in here eating the daily news and tearing pages out of classics", stated helper Louise Perry.

"How are we doing today, Freddy?"

"Whats tha Matter wid You!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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