SAN FRANCISCO - Democrats will bring new life, new leadership and mauve curtains to a newly redecorated House of Representatives. As her first act as Speaker of the House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) plans bring in the "Fab Five" from the smash hit reality TV show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy to "brighten up, lighten up."
"I'm sure we will have some policy proposals, some bills to submit, some laws to pass, but right now I really don't know what they would be," said Pelosi in an interview with BravoTV's Fashion Forward host Tim Gunn. "But I can tell you this," Pelosi added, "the people voted to clean out Congress, and we're going to go one better: re-paint!"
"We Democrats were accused of running a mid-term election campaign based on a simple premise: 'We're not Republicans.' Well, today we will show the American people and the world that it's true! Spec house beige was exciting when Denny Hastert ran this place, but not any more! It's going to crackle with pizazz."
"No more Red State sensibility: it's flaming pink from now on," said San Francisco Democrat Pelosi.
When the Democrats re-gain the presidency, Pelosi says she will push forward for Co-Secretaries of the Interior the most fabulous nominees ever: Ted Allen, Kyan Douglas, Thom Filicia, Carson Kressley and Jai Rodriguez.
"What they could do with those dull Red States!" Pelosi tittered. "And the Blue States? Teal, darling!"
One other change Pelosi plans on putting in place immediately: no more freedom fries in the House cafeteria. "Starting my very first day, it's arugula, steak tartar and escargot!"
Copyright 2006, Douglas Salguod