Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 28 March 2014

image for The Duck Dynasty Amusement Theme Park To Open In Early 2015
Phil said that Donnie The Duck has been chosen to be the Theme Park's official mascot. (Photo by Miss Kay Robertson).

WEST MONROE, Louisiana - Phil Robertson, patriarch of the Robertson family of Duck Dynasty fame has just informed the news media about plans for a Duck Dynasty Amusement Theme Park.

The park is scheduled to open in early 2015, and it will include all kinds of rides plus all kinds of carnival midway type attractions.

Phil spoke with Durango Tucker of National Focus Magazine and said that he and his wife Miss Kay and all of the Robertson clan can hardly wait for the park to open.

He was asked what some of the rides at The Duck Dynasty Amusement Theme Park would be.

Phil replied that one of the rides that promises to be a huge hit will be the Live Gator Rides attraction.

"Isn't that dangerous as hell?" Tucker asked.

"Well yes and no" replied Phil. He then said that yes it can be dangerous because after all we are talking about live adult alligators.

He then explained that the gators will have their mouths duct taped shut so there is no way that they will be able to bite the rider.

Another ride will be what is being billed as the World's Highest Mud Chute Slide.

He explained that the slide will be a full 14 stories high and it will be covered in Rio Grande River mud shipped in from Laredo, Texas.

Phil said that the slide's inventor told him that mud sliders will get to sliding at speeds of up to 94 miles per hour by the time they reach the bottom.

Midway attractions will include a Crayfish Petting Zoo for the youngsters, a Cajun Possum Eating Contest, and a daily Longest Beard Contest open to men only (women will not allowed to participate).

Robertson said that each day the Duck Dynasty Amusement Theme Park will close with a daily Duck Racing Contest where park goers will be allowed to bet as much as $700.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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