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Wednesday, 19 March 2014

image for Healthy Foods Help You Live longer But What Crap!
Eat All You Want

According to a leading nutrition expert, Mars Langston, people should eat all the good-tasting junky food they like and pop a few vitamins jellies.

"You will live about five years longer if you eat healthy but it's just not worth it! Much of that stuff stinks and tastes like recycled toilet paper or what tofu turkey looks like. I say eat all the fast food, doughnuts and cakes and candy and chocolate you want.

Mars says that she makes herself eat healthy one day a week just to show her what crap she's missing.

"I think you may as well get some laxatives and drink water and purge. That'll help keep the weight down! Then the very next morning I have a pot of coffee and a box of doughnuts!

So you don't get to live five years more? You'll probably spend those years eating pureed baby food in a nursing home, she told our reporter.

Continuing, "Remember, if you can't stomach that health food, sleep late, take some Milk of Magnesia and drink a lot of water. Then you will really enjoy the next six!"

She's a healthy %-foot, five, 175 pounder!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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