Written by Gee Pee
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Tuesday, 18 March 2014

MY AM ME, WHO YOU BE, FL -- Your identity may not be safe from the National Security Agency (NSA) or on the Obummercare web site, but it's secure with the Miami-Dade Crime Stoppers, the executive director of which recently took a bite out of crime when, in open court, he ate an anonymous tip to protect the identity of the tipster.

The nosy judge had instructed him to produce the paper upon which the tip was written so she could "take a peek." However, the director said that her honor did not have the "need to know" that showing her the tip required and, when she pounded her gavel, becoming shrill and hysterical, continuing to demand to see the tip, the director ate it.

"It went down well," witnesses agree.

President Obummer believes that the director's action, "while reprehensible," may stem from hunger, and ordered Kathleen Sebelius to look into "getting him on food stamps" and, "if he suffers an upset stomach, maybe Obummercare as well."

Although he may face a couple of weeks, all expenses paid, courtesy of the county, in a local lockup, the director, who asked to remain anonymous, said he'd do it all again, although, next time, he sprinkle the paper with "a little salt and maybe add some mayo" to "spice up" the contempt of county charge his odd appetite for paper earned him from the vindictive judge.

In general, the public approves the director's conduct, and more criminals are likely to heap tips on him during Thanksgiving and on other occasions during which a feast is part of the tradition.

Crime Stoppers encourages tipsters to do so. Help us "take a bite out of crime," the organization suggests.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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