Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 16 March 2014

image for A Tremendously Obese Arizona Woman Reveals That She Had Her Lips Stapled
Olympia Twistboro says her goal is to one day look like the sexy gal in the photo.

PHOENIX, Arizona - Saying that all of her life she has been overweight beyond belief, Phoenix resident Olympia Twistboro, 37, decided to finally do something about it.

She told National Focus Magazine that she hit the 500 pound mark this past Valentine's Day.

Olympia said that her fourth husband, Arlo Bifford Twistboro, 34, is truly a prince who once told her that he would love her even if she ballooned up to 600 pounds.

And although it made her feel great The Big O, as Arlo affectionately calls her, said that she just got tired of hearing people make rude and hateful comments whenever she would go to Walmart wearing a pair of her Daisy Duke short shorts.

Olympia visited a weight loss clinic in Phoenix. She was told that her metabolism was kind of out of whack and that it would virtually be impossible for her to lose weight unless she just stopped eating; and that ain't no good.

But Big O decided that she would stop eating and so she decided to have her lips stapled. The procedure is not recommended for anyone due to the fact that it hurts like a friggin mother effer as Olympia will tell you.

After Mrs. Twistboro had the lip stapling procedure done she would take nourishment via suppository tablets that she inserted into her you-know-what three times daily and four times on Saturday.

Amazingly within four short weeks Olympia had lost a grand total of 202 pounds and had gotten down from 500 to 298.

SIDENOTE: Olympia says that her goal is to get down to 118 pounds and then she'll go to Walmart wearing the skimpiest bikini swimsuit on the market.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 4?

6 13 21 4

Go to top