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Saturday, 15 March 2014

image for Area Man Chokes To Death On Doughnut Hole

Nafus, Illinois: Local resident Robert Reeves dropped dead as a hammer after running from 'The Do-Nut Shack' on Ohio Street all the way to the Casino Boat and into the lobby.

Mr. Reeves was pronounced dead by at least a dozen doctors who had a convention going on next door.

"Talk about giving our whole group of "Lucky Ladies from Louisville", we came here on twelve buses, a sign of bad luck, that dead fellow really ruined our trip", stated one 81-year-old.

"Why in the beep didn't he run next door to those doctors? The creep done dropped the whammy on this busing party. Bet I lose my Ass on the blackjack table!"

"If he was going to choke to death", stated Fanny Belcher, "he could have at least had the good sense to die outside the Casino! I'm ready to head back to Louisville."

Meanwhile, half a mile away from the "Rolling On The River" Casino, at the doughnut shop, at least 20 doctors were back finishing their doughnuts.

"We're headed for a Convention next door to the Casino Boat", stated Dr. Arnold Westcock. "If any one of us could have caught 'deadhead dick' before he got out the door we could have saved him. Now all our coffee is cold because of us chasing after the gentleman, and I use the word, gentleman loosely."

Having been told that more hot coffee was on its way, the docs settled down and left off condemning 'that dead idiot'.

"One thing I know for sure. I'm really out of shape", stated one Dr. Miller. "Bring me another long john with the creamy center!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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