El Paso County, Colorado Springs - Four star General Charles H Jacobs Jr has voiced his concerns after a tense standoff at NORAD HQ with a slow-moving marijuana cloud that swamped much of Peterson Air Farce Base yesterday.
The musky THC-laden fug drifted over from Colorado's pot heaven at Denver following a residents' week-long outdoor smoke-in ahead of St Patrick's Day.
Staff at the Alternative Command Center at NORAD's Cheyenne Mountain nuclear bunker are, of course, barred by law from getting stoned because of the highly sensitive nature of their work.
This focuses on detecting, validating and warning of any atmospheric threat in the agency's area of operations - and these days that includes cannabis smoke.
Today the NORAD CEO was caught fuming on the blower to his Pentagon boss demanding to know how his men and women can maintain a readiness to conduct a continuum of aerospace control stuff under the continued onslaught of airborne marijuana pollution.
"Mr Secretary," the General said to Chuck Hagel, "you've charged me with oversight of daily pisstime air defense against manned and unmanned air-breathing atmospheric vehicles.
"Well now the air round here is filled with 95% Denver Thunderf**k weed. We're talking a major emergency."
With special thanks to Chuck Hagel's herbalist.