DETROIT - The consumer advocate group known as We Got Your Back has just issued a very important safety message.
Consumer advocate Hannibal Linoleum wants all residents of the Great Lakes area to refrain from eating fish that was frozen in Lake Michigan due to The Klondike Polar Vortex.
Mr. Linoleum stated that tests conducted by a reputable firm from New Mexico showed that the Lake Michigan frozen fish contained large amounts of mercury, bad zinc, and carbs.
He pointed out that if someone eats a frozen fish that came out of Lake Michigan within 17 minutes you will start to hallucinate and within 5 minutes after that Paris Hilton will start making sense to you.
We Got Your Back has stated that they have talked to President Obama and he has agreed that if anyone has any Lake Michigan frozen fish they can take them to the nearest Tall Timbers Supermarket and the United States government will give them a $25 voucher for each frozen fish.
SIDENOTE: The president wanted everyone to know that if someone tries and pull a fast one and brings in a frozen fish that is not from Lake Michigan, they will be found out as the government agent will be checking the DNA from the frozen fish and from ice taken from Lake Michigan and they better match.