Written by Gee Pee
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Tuesday, 4 March 2014

HOLLYWEIRD, CA - Singing sensation Taylor Twitt, 24, obtained a temporary restraining order against her secret husband, Timothy Sweet, 33, saying that she's never met the man and is not married to him, despite the fact that their marriage has never been annulled.

Twitt also asked that Sweet be ordered to stay away from his in-laws and be forbidden to contact her through electronic means and media as well, including telephone, social media, and websites.

"His behavior is scary," Twitt tittered on Titter. "I want nothing to do with him."

She says she has "no recollection" of having married Sweet and, if she has done so, she certainly didn't mean to and intends to file for divorce from him as soon as possible.

Twitt also confirmed that "I am not at this time, nor have I ever been, married to Joe Jonas, Taylor Lautner, John Mayer, Harry Styles, Conor Kennedy, Jake Gyllenhaal, or anyone else, including Justin Bieber, and "if I have been, unknowingly, I plan to divorce them, also."

She will obtain restraining orders against "any o all of them, too, if need be."

"Why can't people just leave Taylor alone?" Twitt's mother, Andrea, asked.

According to Forbes magazine, Swift earned $18 million in 2009, $45 million in 2010, $45 million in 2011, $57 million in 2012, and $55 million in 2013. That's a whopping $220 million in only five years!

(Maybe that's why, Andrea?)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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