Written by Felix Minderbinder
Print this

Tuesday, 7 November 2006

image for George Bush Recants and Condemns Death Verdict for Saddam Hussein
Bush recants

WASHINGTON (AP)-- President George Bush has about faced, reversing his enthusiasm for the death verdict handed down by his puppet judge in the Iraqi show trial.

"Oh my god, what have I done?" a shaken Bush told a packed White House news conference. "The USA has slaughtered over 600,000 Iraqis in my quest to plunder Iraqi oil for Exxon Mobil, BP and others, and now Saddam has to suffer too. Is this justice?"

Republicans and Democrats were unanimous in their celebration of the death verdict, which Bush initially described as "a milestone in the Iraqi people's effort to replace the rule of a tyrant with the rule of law" and "a major achievement for Iraq's young democracy and its constitutional government."

But a red-eyed Bush now says that he himself is "the real mass murdering tyrant of Baghdad, and that he has fostered an undemocractic tyranny in Iraq under a puppet prime minister as well as a genocidal war in Iraq that is turning into civil war which may see the further deaths of millions. "Things will get much, much worse if Saddam is executed," he admitted.

"I'm the real war criminal," bleated Bush. "I want to be tried as a war criminal by the United Nations or the World Criminal Court along with my Republican cronies. I started the war on Iraq based on lies, just like my government helped stage the 911 events.

"Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz and the rest of my corrupt gang should be tried cause we have destroyed an entire country, razing towns and cities and causing massive death and destruction, we have let loose the American military and CIA on an innocent population, resulting in torture, rape and abuses beyond counting. Abu Ghraib, Fallujah, Haditha are the real achievements of American imperialism, yet how many more US crimes have yet to be revealed and how many more are still to be committed?

"The Iraqi people had nothing to do with Saddam's trial, it was entirely a kangaroo court proceeding, illegally held under the guns of our foreign occupation, and its outcome was entirely scripted and predetermined."

Bush described how experts in the US and Britain selected the judges who were sent to London for training. Rehearsals of the trial and the death verdict were staged in Italy and the Netherlands. The judges who showed signs of impartiality were dismissed. Three of Saddam's defense lawyers and one witness were kidnapped and executed during the farce of a military tribunal, held deep in Baghdad's American Green Zone enclave behind bulletproof barriers and under armed guard.

"We suppressed the facts and evidence, and showed an utter lack of concern for democratic principles," revealed Bush. "Saddam was just an Iraqi nationalist leader dealing with American-fostered rebellions in his country and trying to prevent us from grabbing his oil, which we ultimately did.

"I had wanted Saddam executed as quickly as possible, since I did not want him around for yet another trial," he continued. "In particular, we had no interest in seeing Saddam testify in the case involving the events in the Kurdish region in 1988 when the Iraqi military, then in a war with Iran, launched chemical attacks on the Kurdish population including the people of Halabja with the knowledge and complicity of the American government."

Bush then elaborated on the "American sickness" that led to the verdict on the trial.

"There is something deeply diseased about the American and British political and media elite that publicly and freely and shamelessly advertises its sadism and blood lust," Bush cried. "At no other point in modern American history has the word 'kill' in endorsing Saddam's death verdict been so popular with politicians, generals and editorialists, and just to get oil. My America and Britain are both modeled on George Orwell's 1984. This pervading sickness, the delight in death and destruction, and in the gallows and the noose, is pervasive in American and British society and just to grab foreign oil to maintain our pig-like lifestyles. Oink!"

Bush then called from Democrats to investigate his own criminal activities in the USA where he has overturned civil liberties and human rights.

"I even refused to recognize any constitutional restraints on my own power, and I've established the legal framework for a police state within the US to reinforce the rule of the rich and Big Oil. Oh, I have been so, so bad," Bush sobbed.

"And my Republican Administration is the most corrupt one in US history," he said, choking. "Now we are asking the American public to vote for the Republican Congressman of their choice and to choose between a total crook or a pedophile."

"Please forgive me, God," Bush said, collapsing.

Make Felix Minderbinder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 4 plus 5?

6 22 24 9
46 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more