Written by Patrick Parkinson
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Monday, 3 March 2014

image for Kim Jong-Il tops list of dead people scientists want to re-animate and beat up

Scientists in Switzerland have discovered a way of re-animating dead bodies, using electricity harvested from thunderstorms they believe they can successfully bring back to life a corpse.

"As soon as we realised this" said head scientist Trevor Dorrans "We started to compose a list of dead celebrities we would love to re-animate - William Shakespeare, Marilyn Monroe. But then Bill came up with an even better idea of raising from the dead real dickheads from throughout history. Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, guys you'd love to bring back to life just to kick them in the nuts for what they did."

However eventually the name the scientists agreed on via a unanimous vote held at the international science conference in Zurich, was former North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il.

"I guess it must be the fact that he's the most recent asshole dictator. Plus three of our team are from South Korea and when they told us some of the things he had done, I looked at Bill and we thought "that's it", we'll get some weapons and lets beat the shit out of this guy until he wishes he was dead again."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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