Written by D P Whitehead
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Saturday, 1 March 2014

image for American Families Divided And At War - Will It Be The Oscars or The Walking Dead?
Moronic Zombies or The Walking Dead? The Oscars Versus Good TV.

Families and couples across America are reportedly arguing, bickering and fighting amongst themselves, with reports of divorce proceedings, runaway kids and couples splitting up and going their separate ways, coming from all corners United States.

Remote controls have been hidden, crockery has been smashed and tantrums have been had.

And the reason for this domestic strife?

The 84th Annual Academy Awards airs Sunday, March 2nd with its red carpet coverage beginning at 5:00pm ET and full coverage of the event starting at 7:00pm ET on ABC.

The Walking Dead also airs Sunday, March 2nd at 9:00pm ET/8:00pm CT on AMC.

"Quite simply, despite DVR's, people want to watch these shows live, as there are simply too many spoilers on social media etc," explained family counselor Gary Core. "Some families are actually falling apart as they battle each other demanding that they, and their spouse and partners watch either The Walking Dead, or The Oscars on the 'big' TV. It is hell out there, no one wants to compromise. It has to be the 'big' TV that they watch their show on."

So what is the solution for America, as it descends into chaos?

"There is none," explained Core "I expect a surge in shootings this Sunday, with those with access to weapons using them on their families to get their own way. To be honest, I see no solution to this looming crisis. It makes the Ukraine look like a picnic."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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