Written by Mike Epifani
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Saturday, 1 March 2014

image for The Vice President Comes Out Against Disease Research
Biden bidin' his time.

In a recent interview with MSNBC, Vice President Joe Biden made the startling proclamation that all disease research should be stopped, other than those related to curing sexually transmitted diseases.

Biden claims that research targeting the cure for cancer and other diseases will likely create vast overpopulation. He wants to instead focus on curing syphilis, gonorrhea, AIDS, herpes, and other STD's.

"Nobody should die or feel sick as a result of consensual sexual relations," Biden said. "Unless you're in bed with a married woman whose husband is notorious for coming home early, death should be as far from your mind as possible when you're taming strange. I know I can't change everybody's mind, but I hope I can lead the way on focusing all of our charitable resources towards curing these pesky love bugs."

He went on to say, "Hell, let's start with crabs and end with HIV."

No news yet on whether or not he made the decision in light of his recent trip to what he referred to as "The Dick Doctor," and sources close to the West Wing have no comment.

Whatever his motivation, Biden has created quite an uproar. When asked if the president was backing his opinion, Biden had this to say: "Barry Bonds Obama has been known to run around the bases, and that's all I'm going to say about that. Basically, condoms suck a fatty dong, and I don't think I'm alone on that one."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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