WHITEWASHINGTON -- Out to prove that he's as racist as anyone else, President Barack Obummer announced My Brother's Keeper, a multi-million-dollar program for "men and boys of color."
White youth need not apply.
"This be just for us bloods," the president said. "Whitey doan need no hand outs."
Although he himself is half-white, Obummer said, "A mulatto is never half-white; he always all black, and I ain't no 'ception."
He said that his desire to "help his brothers," both "black and Latino," is what inspired him to force Obummercare down Americans' throats: "It have the most impact on disadvantaged minorities, not on whitey."
Instead of combating dysfunctional schools, teen pregnancy, single-parent homes, black-on-black crime, drug addiction, black unemployment, and poverty, and instead of training unskilled and uneducated black job applicants, Obummer prefers to "invest in My Brother's Keeper."
"That way," the president explained, "if you be black, you doan have to be a functioning member of nothing; the government goan take care of you."
The program is expected to throw up to $200 million at the problem of "being black," Obummer said, "much of it redistributed from taxes on whitey's businesses."
The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NCAAP) hailed My Brother's Keeper as "about time."
As the program identifies factors that help or hinder blacks in assimilating to "whitey's world, I will use my magic pen and 'phone to adjust federal policy accordingly, no matter what Congress say."
Some of the actions that he can take with his pen and telephone, the president said, "is [to] outlaw the suspension of black students from K-12 schools; [to] exempt adult blacks from following the laws that apply to whites; and [to] refuse to enforce laws against drug trafficking, prostitution, and other activities that help to support black families."
Obummer believes that, during the remaining years of his presidency, he can "make a difference in the lives of "all Americans, black, white, yellow, red, and brown." He admits, however, that these differences may be more positive for some than for others.
"I promise America fundamental change," he declared, 'and that what they goan get."