Colorado Springs, Colorado - (ReUterus): In a highly charged emotional address, disgraced homophobe and sacked ex-leader of the National Evanelical Association Pastor Ted Haggard has admitted a lifelong problem. Staring at an autographed personal photo of his spiritual twin brother George W Bush, Haggard told the press: "This is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I've been whoring against it all of my adult life."
And as tears of self-disgust welled up in his baleful eyes, Pastor Ted confessed that like his spiritual twin sibling he is a "deceiver and a liar" who claimed to be an Instrument of the Lord while ignoring the stench of rapture that being a born-again asshole in the Whore Against Terra entails.
Haggard has been replaced at his local church by interim pastor Herb Parsley (sic) who slammed his predecessor at yesterday's Sunday service as being "more obsequious, more repugnant and more transparent" than Bush.
But cynics in the congregation say the jury's still out on that one.