Written by Jalapenoman
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Monday, 6 November 2006

image for Florida Fearful of Election Results Again
Chad was hung yesterday by a Florida lynch mob.

The state of Florida, fearful of possible election fraud or suspicious and questionable results, has taken the drastic steps to insure accuracy in voting. In the 2000 elections, Florida's vote win was declared multiple times for each party before finally deciding that Bush took the state popular vote (and therefore the electoral vote). Much of this was based on the interpretation of the "hanging chad."

In a strange turn of events, the state has turned a blind eye on a large lynch mob and allowed the hanging of Chad. The pictures and images of the savage murder are too graphic to be shown or even described on this family publication. Suffice it to say, however, that Chad is dead.

When asked why he turned a blind eye to the vigilante justice, state Governor Jeb Bush (brother to the U.S. President) replied that "the people of Florida have spoken out their feelings, frustrations, and angers. In our state, we listen to the voice of the people, no matter how many times we have to count them to see how many there are."

Relatives of Chad released the following statement: "We look upon the murder of our loved one as another sign of the lawlessness of our society today. We see this as an unwarranted attack by another member of the Bush family on an innocent person. Did Chad have weapons of mass destruction? Did the Bush family somehow blame him for Bush Senior's election loss to Clinton in 1992? Are we going to blam this one on middle eastern terrorists? What does Chad have to do with 9/11? He was wearing the Donald Duck suit at Disney World during the bombings!"

Spokesmen for the Department of Homeland Security and the A.T.F. have declined to get involved, stating that this was an internal Florida matter and none of their affair.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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