Written by joseph k winter
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Sunday, 23 February 2014

image for Jesus to return as lieutenant general and sales rep for munitions factories across the globe
Manufacture of a new battleship, The USS Jesus, is under consideration at this time.

A good deal of attention is currently being given to retired lieutenant general William Boykin, who is also the Family Research Council's Executive Vice President.

Following Mr. Boykin's public remarks that he interprets Revelation 19 to mean that, on the Second Coming, Jesus will return carrying an AR-15 assault rifle, Mr. Boykin was pressed for any further insights.

He also did say everyone should be sure to get hold of an AR-15 right away and "You're supposed to have one. It's biblical."

But there was more, according to his spokesperson pressed later for further tidbits.

Jesus will not simply come forth with his AR-15 rifle but will immediately be inducted into a promotion ceremony with full honors and appropriate fly-over as he is given the rank of Lieutenant General Jesus Christ.

Additionally he will be invited to interviews with various munitions companies including (not so far confirmed) Arsenal, Inc., Barrett Firearms Manufacturing, and Boeing Defense, Space and Security, among others.

If Jesus wishes to pursue interviews in other countries (and it is assumed he will alight in the USA first (in Texas), transportation will be provided, first class, in case he might need it.

The possible American companies above are among 225 major munitions companies worldwide supplying weaponry for all the wars present and forthcoming.

Many more companies are reported eager to enlist the Jesus Warrior to their cause.

Again, according to Mr. Boykin's spokesperson, a company acquiring Jesus as their sales representative will likely offer executive positions as well as stock options and a seven figure annual salary (with bonuses) if he will consent to come on board.

Joining the Family Research Council as a consultant is also possible and six figures per lecture with a one hour minimum speaking requirement.

A spokesperson for a response from Jesus is currently being sought, but so far Heaven has maintained a "no comment at this time" policy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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