Gay marriage and gay rights are causing the wild weather including droughts in California and snow storms in the South, scientists at the Christian Creationists and Scholars Institute have discovered.
"Our three year study of weather patterns and gay rights laws has shown a clear correlation between severe weather and acceptance of gays," explains Tommy Thompson, professor of climate studies. Thompson noted that gay conversion therapy has not been used widely enough to have any measurable effect. He also blamed the recent Winter Olympics and figure skating commentator Johnny Weir's wardrobe, hair, and makeup.
Climate scientists argue that the correlation does not prove causation. The correlation of man-made greenhouse gases is the cause of the weather changes. Thompson insists the correlation between greenhouse gases and weather does not prove causation.
When pressed to allow a scientific review of his work, Thompson responded, "I presented my results to God and he did not burn them. That is proof enough to me that they are accurate."
Nobody could provide a good argument against that until three days later when his dog knocked over an ashtray containing a lit cigarette. The embers caught some papers on fire including Thompson's final report. Thompson claims the gay devil stole his dog's soul.
He will continue his work with God's blessing and some minor funding from a handful of oil companies. He has also replaced his dog's rainbow collar with a solid black one.