Written by Wumf
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Saturday, 22 February 2014

image for Colossal Electric Fans to be Installed Across California
300 foot electric fan

SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA - Getting the jump on the increasingly hot temperatures that are bound to happen this summer, Governor Brown announced today he has won a federal grant to pay for the installation of fifty 300 foot electric fans across his drought stricken state.

At the press conference Governor Brown explained, "We will use the giant fans to blow the hot air up over the Sierras, especially the pollution that settles into the valleys and certain mountainous areas. The extreme heat creates inversions like those seen around Yreka when there are several forest fires burning in the area. We also are hoping for a cooling effect, to minimize the triple digit temperatures that we got last year all over California."

When asked who would be manufacturing the giant fans, Governor Brown said, "We are going to purchase the parts from China as they sell them cheaply, and then have our prison inmates work to assemble the parts. Since it costs an average of $45,000 per year to house an inmate, we feel we should have them do some productive work to earn their keep."

Apparently the fans will be plugged into giant solar panel systems, which will save the state millions in electrical costs, although the initial cost of paying for the fans will come from a Federal Solar Initiative Grant.

When a reporter pointed out that the air blasting from the fans may be dangerous to humans and wildlife, Governor Brown conceded that was true, but said there will be warning signs posted throughout the vicinity and around the perimeter of each fan, much like those at the end of airport runways. The wildlife, apparently, will just have to deal with the impact as they can't read warning signs.

"We are prepared for the extreme sports' people attempting to use the massive air movement created by the fans for things like Extreme Hang Gliding, Extreme Ballooning, Extreme Kite Surfing, and also nuts like the Human Cannonballers or Canyon Jumpers. They will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law, and if they are blown all the way over to Nevada or Arizona, we will have them extradited."

Governor Brown concluded the conference by saying, "We should be a cooler, happier California this summer!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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