WHITTIER, CALIFORNIA - The Whittier Oil Watch (WOW) has announced its displeasure at discovering a nodding donkey, used for pumping oil out of the ground, behind a tall hedge at the Rose Valley Memorial Park in Whittier.
"We would never have known," said Matilda Bickenstaff, the leader of WOW, if a fellow WOW member had not attended the funeral of her late Uncle Morris in the "Serenity Hills" section of the cemetery."
"While at the funeral she kept hearing a loud squeaking noise, like metal being rubbed against metal, which wasn't very serene at all! She hiked toward the noise to investigate and, lo and behold, behind a very tall Emerald Arborvitae hedge was this nodding donkey, pumping oil right in the middle of the cemetery!"
Rose Valley Memorial Park, considered the largest cemetery in the United States, although no one knows exactly how many people are buried there, is located in an oil rich area. Although the WOW group has previously stopped oil drilling in other parts of their city, this one apparently slipped by.
"We are very suspicious, indeed," continued Bickenstaff. "We will get to the bottom of this as soon as possible! The people of Whittier, especially those who have loved ones buried in the cemetery, have a right to know what is going on."
Meanwhile, according to an anonymous cemetery worker, the hedge surrounding the nodding donkey was recently hacked down in the middle of the night by an angry mob carrying torches.
Cemetery officials declined to comment.