Written by dustylewis
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Thursday, 20 February 2014

image for U.S. Military's New Super Laser Weapon Used to Screw With Cats

Recently the United States came out with the latest technological advance in modern war fare. They have developed a new super weapon that uses a laser to bring down targets. This new laser sounds like something you might see in Star Wars movies, but this is very real and is set to launch on US warships this year. Initial tests have shown the laser weapons to be very effective in bringing down targets, and even more effective at pissing of cats.

The military has done extensive training and testing with their new laser weapon in order to be the first to successfully launch this type of technology in the world. They have run numerous tests over the past couple of years and fell confident that everything is ready to go this year. Many people liken these weapons to the fun toy from the 90's, the laser pointer. Teachers used them to point things out to students; children used them for fun by putting the red laser on different objects and even other people.

People also loved shining these lasers on the floors and walls to irritate their pet cats. The cat would follow the laser and try to feverishly catch it, even though their effort was futile. It seems that the military is no stranger to this fun as well. The military has been using this laser weapon to piss off cats all over the world. This laser has the ability to reach thousands of miles all over the world. So they have been shining this laser into zoo exhibits with lions, tigers and other feline species. These cats have gone crazy trying to catch these lasers.

When confronted about the military's actions with these lasers, officials tried to deny the claims at first. They later changed their stance and said the use of lasers with these large cats were part of numerous military run exercises. "The use of these lasers and their effects on cats are a crucial part of the training in measuring their success. There are cats all over the world, and if we can somehow use them to our advantage with these lasers, then this is a great opportunity to do so."

No one really is sure how these wild cats can be used as US military weapons. It is probably just another excuse to cover what was really going on. Pissing of cats with lasers is fun as hell. And the US military has the largest laser at their disposal. Let's just hope the next military weapon isn't some type of dog whistle technology.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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