Written by Wumf
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Monday, 17 February 2014

image for Bingo Game Turns Nasty in Poughkeepsie Retirement Home
Newly released Ida Mae Krinklehoff

POUGHKEEPSIE, NEW YORK - Administrators of the Cranky Petunia Retirement Home confirmed today that a fight broke out among some of the bingo players at their facility Thursday afternoon.

"It was bedlam," exclaimed director Candace Cruikshank, "One of our newest family members, Ida Mae Krinklehoff, thought the bingo caller said, 'B4', and she yelled, 'BINGO!' When they checked her card, not one of the numbers called was actually on her card. She is very hard of hearing."

"Before we knew it, another one of our family, Chet D'Amico, was out of his wheelchair, heading for Ida Mae. He was very upset she had yelled, 'bingo' again, because that was the 10th time she had done that, without actually having one."

Apparently, Mr. D'Amico, was not aware that Mrs. Krinklehoff had been a part of the Women's Army Corp during WWII and knew how to defend herself.

"Ida Mae kneed him right in his 'area'", explained Cruikshank, "and he went down, tumbling over the table that had the punch bowl and glasses on it. There was Mambabajamba punch everywhere! We wouldn't have called the police since it was just a mild altercation, but another resident, Beatrice Bumstead, decided to use the new Smartphone her granddaughter gave her for Christmas, and called 911!"

Asked how the residents were doing now that the excitement was over, Cruickshank remarked, "Well, after Ida Mae was released from jail, because Chet filed assault charges against her, we had a little celebration party to welcome her back. Chet didn't attend, but he'll forget the incident soon enough and come around. Anyway, I thought her mug shot was quite a nice likeness. By the way, we've decided to play a different game for awhile at the Cranky Petunia Retirement Home, that is, until Ida Mae's family gets her fitted with a newer, better hearing aide."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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