OTTUMWA, IOWA - A rogue satellite, owned by an Australian multi-millionaire, Herschel McBee, crashed to earth early Tuesday evening in an Ottumwa neighborhood.
According to local police, the satellite destroyed a home owned by resident, Lucille McGillicutty. Fortunately, Mrs. McGillicutty, who is a beautician for a local nursing home, was away from the house at the time.
"If I hadn't been giving a blue rinse and perm to one of the residents, I'd be dead!" exclaimed Lucille. "Unfortunately, my hamster, LeRoy, was not so lucky. A fireman tried to resuscitate LeRoy, but it was too late."
According to local authorities, McBee launched the satellite, aptly named "Down Under", into orbit so he would get better T.V. reception for world soccer matches. For an unknown reason, the satellite malfunctioned and careened out of its orbit just before a match between the Socceroos and Ecuador.
When asked to comment about the incident from his home in Oollaru, McBee told reporters, "I will replace Mrs. McGillicutty's hamster, of course."