Written by Keith Shirey
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Saturday, 15 February 2014

image for China's Xi Jinping Loves, Invites Rick Perry For State Visit
IN TEXAS, DEVIL MAY BE IN PETRI DISH

President Xi Jinping of the People's Republic of China has invited "The Most Honorable Governor Of The Most Christian State of Texas" to his country for "an elaborate state visit."

He said that he admired the way that Texas had "put religion way ahead of science in public education " He stated that worshiping ancestors and making the Bible into an idol to be worshipped was "useful" to to his country.

"It helps the People's Republic in its race for scientific and military achievement," he explained

"Recent studies show that close to 35% of Texans believe that the sun revolves around the earth. The same study shows that around 25% of Americans hold this medieval view," stated Mr. Jinping.

He continued, "In that same survey, only 39 percent of Americans answered correctly that 'the universe began with a huge explosion" and only 48 percent said "Human beings, as we know them today, developed from earlier species of animals.'"

"Obviously, widespread ignorance is rampant in the U.S. and I must say that, competitors on the world scene, we in China are both amused and delighted!"

" But may our ancestors bless Governor Perry! Studies show that such ignorance is much more widespread in Texas. Their science classes are actually anti-science. They do not allow fact to interfere with stories about Adam, Eve and a snake!"

The People's Republic President said that his government wanted to fund science and history text books like those used in Texas and approved by the Texas State Book Commission, with its high percentage of fundamentalist Christian pastors.

"We want them to be used all over the United States. We want Texas to become the model for the whole country. We will discuss these and other issues with Governor Perry. For example, I think he carries a firearm to his church services. I'd like to talk with him about that. I'm sure it's Bible based."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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