Written by dustylewis
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Friday, 14 February 2014

image for Snowflakes spotted in the South: 21 Confirmed Dead

Millions of viewers turned on their television sets to watch hordes of "Walkers" terrorizing the outlying areas of Atlanta recently. No, this was not the latest mid-season premiere of AMC's hit show The Walking Dead.

Every major news outlet was broadcasting the catastrophe known in the Southern US as Snowpocalypse. A major, crippling winter storm hit the Southern US this week which left thousands fighting for their lives.

Conditions were unbearable as many were stranded on roadways due to the nearly 2 inches of snow. It was so bad in some places that there were snow drifts of almost 5 inches.

One stranded motorist was quoted as saying: "I'm scared for my life. I stepped out of my car and the snow was almost up to my shoelaces. I've heard of this "White Demon" before, but never would I have expected this in God's Country."

People abandoned their cars and ran to the nearest grocery store to stock up on milk and bread. Once those two items ran out, people really lost their shit.

Houses were burned, cars were flipped and prostitution became an unspoken form of payment for goods. Children were used for hard labor and household pets were cooked for food. When the first Waffle House locked its doors and closed down, everyone thought that was the end.

Places like Birmingham and Atlanta went an astonishing 36 hours in a row below freezing. Windows were being boarded up and office buildings were transitioned into missions and warming stations.

Within hours, the scene had turned into a post-apocalyptic era that mirrored images of the lost city of Chernobyl.

"Where is your Global Warming Now?" and "Barack snObama Sucks" were some of the graffiti that littered building walls and houses. People had lost all hope. Not even Nick Saban's promise to win another National Title could raise the morale of those in the Heart of Dixie.

The sun finally reappeared as a gift from heaven just a short day later. Temperatures began to rise above freezing and people began making their way out into public again.

Many people weren't sure what had actually happened until it was all over. Amidst all the confusion, people had this to say; "It sounded like a freight train".

It was later pointed out to that asshole that he lived next to the train tracks. Others that survived hurried home to make sure their DVR recorded the latest episode of Duck Dynasty.

The south truly was unprepared for this Snowly Hell that descended upon them. Many vowed not to be unprepared again.

This was from the Governor of Alabama: "We are buying more guns and tobacco and will be ready for this next time. Screw you Obamacare. Good ole G. W. would have never let this happen."

This was truly a trying time for the South.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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