Washington, D.C.- Though President George W. Bush believes that the jury is still out on the theory of evolution, the jury of Saddam Hussein's trial is in, and the defendant was found not guilty of crimes against humanity.
He was indeed a 'naughty' leader with several palaces, a number of armor plated automobiles, requiring doubles and food tasters, but given the enormity of ruling over Iraq: controlling three warring tribes - Sunni, Shiite and Kurds - Saddam was still able to keep the peace and supply markets with oil. Surprisingly, the jury came to recognize Saddam as a miracle worker and worthy of being nominated for the Nobel Peace prize.
Confident of a guilty verdict by the jury, the Bush administration planned to suppress the announcement until two days before the mid-term election, making an ear shattering, news breaking bulletin; once again using the terror card; raising the specter of 9/11; justifying the war in Iraq; fighting them over there rather than here; as opposed to the cut and run, weak kneed un-American Democrats, who are devil worshiping, drug addict, pot smoking, fiction writing, playboy bunny chasing, terrorist loving cowards and a vote for one of them is like a vote for al Qaida.
With the November surprise turning into a dud and polls numbers predicting a Democratic landslide, White House operatives went into damage control with ideas: water board the jury; send them to Abu Ghraib; suppress the verdict until after the election; demand a retrial; claim additional evidence and witnesses were discovered.
Finding it necessary to create a distraction from diving poll figures, high level officials also decided on another measure. Since Madonna has turned into the apologetic Mel Gibson of the month, it might be a good idea to let her adopt a village of Iraqi kids; Laura can meet the herd when they land in D.C.; make them stay at the White House until after the election; have Katie Couric help bathe them during the evening news.
Smear the Democrats by saying they're picking out new offices in Washington, taking drapery measurements for windows, spending tax payer dollars on interior designers; but with your vote, Republicans will not let Democrats spend your hard earned food money on curtains.
Maybe Republicans and curtains should not be used in the same sentence?