Written by susan allen-rosario

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Topics: Weather, Farting

Saturday, 8 February 2014

image for Cold weather halts flatulence study
"We found several bowls of chili beans near the pond."

Scientists conducting experiments measuring the speed of the "wind from a duck's ass", had to stop their work due to cold weather.

"Every time the duck farted, it was so cold the fart froze in place. We could not get an accurate reading to study the cliché " faster than the wind from a duck's ass."

Scientists also suspect that people in the area where the study was being conducted may have been feeding the fowl something to make the ducks fart excessively.

"We found several bowls of chili beans near the pond where the ducks live. If we were studying 'the more you eat the more you toot' it would not be a problem, but that's a study for another day."

Locals told reporters that they have created a new game using the frozen farts as a kind of puck.

"We hit the suspended frozen farts with a golf club sending them to a chosen target. Points are given for accuracy and distance."

Scientists say that the weather and the possible sabotage of the study by the town's folk make it impossible to get any kind of true readings.

"Something is fowling up our study, but it's certainly not the birds."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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