Washington - Get ready for a 'massive toothpaste bomb' at the Sochi Winter Olympics Department of Homeland Insecurity bosses said today.
The stark 'ring of confidence' warning comes amid rumors that terrists will launch a toothpaste attack on the Black Sea site after huge cavities appeared in the Russians' Olympic firewall.
A statement issued from Homeland Secretary Jeh Johnson's office said vintage George W Bush video footage describing how he and Tony B Liar 'both use Colgate' may be the inspiration' behind such an attack.
Just how seriously the tip-off is being taken was much in evidence at Sochi International Airport this morning as hundreds of incoming competitors' dental work was being x-rayed by an arrivals lounge Semtex scanner.
Athletes complained that the KGB was deliberately pulling - without any anaesthetic - any dodgy amalgam fillings inserted prior to the 9/11 World Trade Center attack.
Also under suspicion are British National Health Service dentures, crowns and bridges 'in case they contain key components useful of bomb makers', a Homeland spokesperson said.
Commenting on the latest developments an American Dental Association source said it's important not to forget essential root canal maintenance.
The proposed 700-kilometre Eurasia Canal connecting the Caspian Sea to the lower Black Sea along the Kuma-Manych Depression will now be trawled for signs of a Semtex abscess.