Written by Keith Shirey
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Monday, 3 February 2014

image for John Elway High in Mile High Stadium
HIGH IN MILE HIGH

Two mornings before yesterday's Super Bowel, on a special edition of MSNBC News. in Mile High Stadium in Denver, legendary Broncos quarterback-and current executive VP of football operations for the Denver Broncos-John Elway explained that he's a Republican because he "doesn't believe in safety nets." Elway was being interviewed essentially because his team was to play in the 2014 Super Bowel.

Elway in the Mile High Stadium seemed to be high himself in the state that had recently legalized marijuana for recreational use.

"But you've personally benefited by all sorts of safety nets, haven't you?" asked host Chris Matthews.

Matthews continued on and inquired of Elway if, when he was a player, he enjoyed the benefits of collective bargaining, and as a manager, the use of a stadium built with taxpayer money, and was, in a way, working for a socialist organization that pays no federal taxes.

Elway was completely confused and rolled his bloodshot eyes,

"Wow man," he said "this is really heavy stuff. "

Matthews asked, "But why should you enjoy a federal tax exemption as a profit making organization?

Elway responded, "I believe that we're giving the opportunity to succeed or not succeed man. I mean, uh, see given the opportunity to go take advantage of that, I think that's when you get the best out of people."

"But what's that got to do with you NFL owners and managers pressuring congress to give you non-profit, tax exempt status. Look, Mr. Elway, Even teams who don't make it to the Super Bowl generate millions from licensing and ticket sales. You're not non-profits," said Matthews.

"I'm a big time Republican man," responded Elway who was munching on Screaming Yellow Zonkers, a favorite for Colorado Stoners. "I gave big bucks to Romney."

"I grew up in Granada Hills in the Valley. We all love Ronald Reagan, man. America is the best!"

"Cut to a commercial," said the exasperated Mr. Matthews.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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