Today, the President took unprecedented action. Citing gridlock, do-nothingness, and an utter disdain for the Representatives of the people of the United States, the President signed Executive Order #100068. This order reads, "Effective immediately, the Congress of the United States of America is hereby dissolved."
Senators and Representatives immediately stood up and cheered at the news.
The few Republicans and Independents who raised an objection were immediately set upon by a Democratic mob and beaten senseless.
Former Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi stated, "Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Eric Cantor, and the 15 or so other racist, bigoted, President-haters got what was coming to them. The President knows what is good for the American people, Americans just don't. They're stupid. If he says there should be no Congress, then by God, there should be NO Congress!"
She went on to say that all Congresspersons were now eligible for Obamacare, WIC, and unemployment. "See! We've increased the number of insured! That is a good thing!" said Pelosi.
The President was not available for comment. It is said he was in the Oval Office in the White House preparing new Executive Orders that would abolish the Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Religion, Freedom of the Press, right to bear arms, and another that would make him the "All-being Lifetime Master of the Earth".
Men and women were seen crying in the streets. "This is the BEST day of my life!" one Obama supporter was quoted as saying. "First, lifetime unemployment, then, an Obamaphone, then Obamacare....I...now, he is President for life? It can't get any better!"