Written by Matt Birkenhauer
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Friday, 31 January 2014

image for Bob Schieffer Interviews Ted Cruz's Ass

Bob Schieffer, on Face the Nation, interviewed Texas Senator Ted Cruz's ass on Sunday. When asked about the government shutdown last fall, Cruz's ass said: "Throughout the government shutdown, I opposed a government shutdown. I said we shouldn't shut down the government. I think it was a mistake that President Obama and the Democrats shut the government down this fall."

Schieffer, unbelieving, persisted, "All right, lemme-- lemme go back to one thing Mr. Ass, and-- the question I asked you was, 'Would you ever conceive of threatening to shut down the government again?'"

Cruz's ass replied, tersely, "Well, as I said, I didn't threaten to shut down the government the last time. I don't think we should ever shut down the government. I repeatedly voted-"

At this point, Schieffer cut off Cruz's ass, and asked Cruz directly, "Senator Cruz, did you or did you not advocate shutting down the government last fall in an attempt to derail Obamacare?"

Ted Cruz looked his ass straight in the eyes and said, "No comment."

Mr. Ass could not be reached for further comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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