Miami, Florida - Early toxicology results published today say Canadian pop singer Justin Bieber had cannabis and the popular US anti-anxiety drug anthrax in his system after last week's Florida bust.
The prescription-only medication is a firm favorite with under-age drinkers reporting severe erectile dysfunction and other pain-in-the-butt stuff.
This morning lawyers from Wiseass & Tortslam, representing the singer, filed a motion to dismiss a 14 February DUI hearing in Miami which could see Baby Bieber incarcerated for up to 90 daze plus extra time in compulsory rehab.
Part of their argument cites the well-known Macauley Culkin Syndrome where star-struck Z-Lister teenage celebs channel hellraiser stuff while bombed out of their heads on a cocktail of drugs.
A clerk at the Miami beach court house where the motion was presented later said he heard Judge Judi Judi 'laughing her ass off' at the temerity of the attorneys' motion as she tore up the paperwork with a very firm 'Dismiss!'
Expect online betting sites to go even money on Bieber pleading Not Guilty and getting off Scott-free after a show trial.