Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: John Kerry

Wednesday, 1 November 2006

image for John Kerry Bites off Tongue while Attacking Bush
Kerry, moments before biting his own tongue off at the root

In an unprecedented speech yesterday, John Kerry implied that low achievers in college would wind up personally fighting Bin Laden and Laden's insurgents in Iraq. Kerry today again lost his composure (blew his lid) in a live speech, lashing out again at the Republican party and, after the cameras stop rolling in a fit of uncontrollable rage accidentally bit his tongue off, the tongue sailing, landing in the lap of CNN reporter Douglas Walsh who immediately secured the tongue, returned it to security agents who rushed Kerry and his tongue to Dalton Memorial Hospital for re-attachment.

Rush Limbaugh fresh off of his now infamous tour of attacking Micheal J Fox immediately lashed out at Kerry, Tony Snow, Carl Rove for letting this happen, Barney's PetsMart vet Claude, GW Bush's mother Barbara for not protecting her son, Mother Teresa, God himself even, Limbaugh being in such a fit of uncontrollable rage himself almost biting his own tongue off lambasting Kerry, Kennedy, Spuds McKenzie, Shawna Twain, John McCain, the Pope all the way down to every Democrat that ever lived since baby Moses walked the face of planet all the way down to the cartoon mule that the Democrats rode in on.

Ratings in Limbaugh's daily broadcast dropped a surprising 12 points since his tirade against humanity.

Republicans seizing the moment after Kerry's speech to at least retain at least half a seat in Congress after next week's elections blasted back at Kerry with accusations of "Swift Boat, Swift boat, Swift Boat" forcing Kerry, once his re-attached tongue has healed, to contemplate the wisdom (youch-wise) of again lambasting Bush and the Republicans with yet another barrage of wild uncontrollable anger this time hopefully refraining from biting his tongue off again which doctors say, COULD be a "difficult thing to re-re-attach" a second time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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