Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 27 January 2014

image for Giant sloth terrorises sanitation workers in NYC sewage tunnel
Must be something to do with the rutting season

New York - Two NYC Dept of Environmental Protection workers had to be taken to the Emergency Room today after being menaced by a huge Sasquatch-type of creature - thought to be a throwback to the rare Megatherium giant sloth last seen during the Earth's Cretinaceous period - which was spotted in a service tunnel that takes raw Manhattan sewage to the Coney Island wastewater treatment plant.

Larry Sump and Gary Gorblitski were treated for what doctors described as ugly rutting wounds from the beast's 6ft antlers after disturbing creature's progress down the main Lower Manhattan shit stream.

Homeland Security cryptozoology experts armed with rhinoceros stun guns from New York Zoo arrived within minutes of the 911 call and quickly secured the site as the men were winched to safety by the New York helicopter ambulance service and taken to hospital.

A three hour fingertip search of the plant then failed to locate the mystery monster which New York Toast hacks first reported sighted back in September 2013 on the now notorious George Washington Bridge roadblock that's part of a scandal engulfing New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.

Sources close to someone who's taking the rap for what's been dubbed the Bridge Gate fiasco currently engulfing the Governor have yet to link today's Coney Island beastie with the jogging monster that stopped the traffic in the now notorious incident last fall.

"The only description we have is male, 220 pounds and pretty hairy," a Homeland Security source said.

A planned evacuation of the surrounding area is now on hold.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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