Written by Orvis Talbot
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Topics: Law, Constitution

Tuesday, 28 January 2014

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Constitution

Jimbo "Spanks" Williams is angry. Spanks lives in a trailer directly across the road from Fort Campbell, KY.

During a recent winter storm, several soldiers returning to base on a bus, broke down next to his trailer. The commanding officer, Major Tom "T-Bone" Speller, decided it was too dangerous for his men to remain inside the bus, as the temperature plummeted to -17 degrees, not wanting to risk the 1/4 mile hike in whiteout conditions, Maj. Speller ordered his men to take refuge in Spanks' trailer. Spanks had been out buying 4 gallons of milk, 2 loaves of bread, and a book of crossword puzzles in preparation for the storm.

Imagine his surprise when he made it back home, only to find his doublwide jam packed with soldiers.

Pvt. Gus Bingert said, "He was angry.....many of our guys had already eaten what was in his fridge, 3 guys were sleeping in his bed, and the rest of the guys were enjoying Mr. Williams' extensive porn collection."

Williams demanded the soldiers leave immediately. Maj. Speller stated, "That's not gonna happen."

Williams bunked down with his dog, Rufus.

In the morning the soldiers left.

Mr. Williams is demanding an apology and compensation. So far, to no avail.

He can be seen most days marching in front of the main gate at Fort Campbell, holding up a sign which reads, "No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law."

The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs when asked for comment only stated, "The Major took the fact that Mr. Williams left his door unlocked as 'consent' to enter."

We will update you of further developments.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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